Family Conversations - Questions & Answers Page

Older Adults – Seniors

We need more day-to-day help, but we don’t want to burden our family.

Sometimes it’s based on geography – sometimes on money – sometimes on family dynamics. Maybe family members don’t live close, or only one child does. Our kids are busy with their own families and careers. We don’t want to stir up old conflicts. We don’t want our children getting into fights with each other.

Questions to ask yourself: What kind of help we you need? Who might be able to help, in what ways? How can we make it happen?

Tips: You may wish to write a letter to the family and explain the situation and that you’re not sure what to do. Ask for a meeting to discuss things, ask for their views on things.

My husband’s driving is getting worse, even dangerous, and he refuses to give up his car.

For most people driving a car is closely tied to independence and freedom. Although he’s had some "close calls", he insists that his driving is just fine. He won’t acknowledge that his driving abilities have diminished.

Questions to ask yourself: How can we help him see the problem? How can we get around and go to the places we need to for shopping, entertainment, etc.

Tips: Consult with an organization that will do an independent evaluation of a person’s driving skills and safety. They can make recommendations, too.

The house is too much to take care of anymore, but I don’t want to move.

I have lived here for 40 years. It’s comfortable, familiar, I know where everything is. I don’t want to be away from friends, neighbors and familiar stores. It’s OK for us.

Questions to ask yourself: Why do I want to stay in this home? What kind of help do I need to be able to stay in this home? What about moving has me so worried? Are there places that I might like? What would I have to give up, and what would I get?

Tip: Research what family help and outside services are available that will allow you to stay in your home for as long as possible? Start discussing possible future alternatives

		When we go to the doctor we don’t always understand what the medical people tell us. We don’t understand the difficult medical terminology that they use. They talk too fast, don’t listen, and seem rushed. I don’t ask questions because I don’t want them to think I am stupid or have Alzheimer’s. Later I don’t remember what was said during the appointment. Questions to ask yourself: Do I need to talk to someone, maybe the doctor, and tell them to explain things better? Who can I get that can be my "medical teammate" when we go to appointments?
Tips: Take someone with you to take notes, someone you feel comfortable with. Think of questions and write them down, before going to the appointment. Write down the answers, ask clarifying questions. If you don’t feel comfortable with the doctor, maybe another doctor is available for the next visit.

FAQ for Adult Children